


Pagkawala (Loss)

by LadyAttie



Category: 16th Century CE RPF, 19th Century CE RPF, 20th Century CE RPF, Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Colonialism, Colonization, Gen, Historical Hetalia, Historical References, Imperialism, Revolution, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 13:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17488682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyAttie/pseuds/LadyAttie
Summary: There was a time she was not known as Maria de la Cruz. A time where she was not known as theRepublika ng Pilipinas. Or the Philippines as Alfred would call her. For hundreds of years, her past life before the white men arrived was suppressed. Ever since her memories began returning upon the Philippine Revolution, she avoided visiting Santo Niño. It symbolized the loss of her old life. Now, she is ready to come in terms to her longtime complex feelings towards her former colonizers and reminisce.Papa Espanya. Kuya Amerika. Ang dating kaibigan ay naging kaaway Hapon.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fan fiction is the author’s interpretation of the personification of the Philippines, who is not yet an official character in _Hetalia: Axis Powers_ at the time this fanfic is posted. However, there will be a mix of official characters (like Spain) and fan-made interpretations of other nations as characters mentioned or appearing.
> 
> Historical events will be mentioned and referenced in this fanfic, cited in the End Notes.
> 
> Words from the Filipino languages (especially Tagalog) will be mentioned in this fic, along with Spanish. Footnotes of translations also will be cited in the End Notes.
> 
>  **DISCLAIMER:** _Hetalia: Axis Powers_ and its official characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya. The author has no intention making money or profit off of this fan fiction. No copyright infringement intended.

**PROLOGUE**

* * *

Maria de la Cruz stood in front of Santo Niño Basilica in Cebu. There was no Mass happening at the time, but she had the urge to go inside.

She was surprised to find the church empty, to which she was grateful for. It was known to be a popular place for tourists and pilgrims. There was an exquisitely gilded altar in the far back of the basilica, holding small statues of saints. Maria passed by the pews and walked to the other side of the basilica.

The church was known to hold a historical artifact, which is what named the basilica in the first place. Standing in front of the gated shrine that protected it, Maria stared at the Santo Niño statue. She closed her eyes and wept.

There was a time she was not known as Maria de la Cruz. A time where she was not known as the _Republika ng Pilipinas_. Or the Philippines as Alfred would call her. For hundreds of years, her past life before the white men arrived was suppressed. Ever since her memories began returning upon the Philippine Revolution, she avoided visiting Santo Niño. It symbolized the loss of her old life. Now, she is ready to come in terms to her longtime complex feelings towards her former colonizers and reminisce.

 _Papa Espanya. Kuya Amerika._ (1) _Ang dating kaibigan ay naging kaaway Hapon._ (2) _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **FOOTNOTES**  
>  (1) _kuya_ \- Honorfic word for “big brother” in Tagalog  
> (2) " _Ang dating kaibigan ay naging kaaway Hapon._ " - Old friend become enemy Japan


	2. Tondo

**CHAPTER 1: TONDO**

* * *

**1521**

“ _Hola! _¿_ Como estas? ¿Como te llamas, chica?_” (1)

The small tan-skinned girl turned to see a young man with curly brown hair, eyes the color of the forest, and very light skin. He was donned in strange clothing covering his entire body, contrasting from most men she knew who only covered from the waist down. She could see he was accompanied with a party of men who also wore unusual attire and shared the same strange fair coloring as the green-eyed man. They were all staring down at her with faces of mixed curiosity and displeasure. One man with a beard especially eyed her with some expectation she could provide something to him.

The girl cocked her head, confused. There were foreign traders from her Majapahit (2) cousins down south and her other cousin, Taivoan (3), up north, along with Zhonghua (4) and Nihon (5) far more north. Their languages were familiar to her, especially Majapahits’ and Taivoan’s. But the green-eyed man spoke a very unknown language.

“ _Kumasta_ ,” she greeted him. Then she sensed something about the man and her eyes widened. He was just like her, a personification of her people. Unlike her, his physical appearance was of an adolescent, but she was uncertain whether she herself or he was older. All personifications were born with the ability to speak the language of nations and for convenience, she switched to the language. “I have many names. Zhonghua calls me _Ma-i_. (6) My heart is located in Maynila, but I represent the entire archipelago. I represent the rajahs, sultanates, and tribes of this archipelago. You may call me Tondo. (7) My human name, however, is Diwata.” (8)

The man nodded slowly, his eyes in disbelief that he encountered another of his own. “I am España,” he replied. “I represent the Kingdom of Spain. My human name is Antonio Fernández Carriedo.” He then gestured to the bearded man. “This is my human friend, Fernando.”

“I’m Portuguese so call me Fernão,” the man growled.

“Sorry, Fernão de Magalhães,” (9) Spain replied irritably. “We are here in search for a route for the Spice Islands. Do you mind helping us, little Tondo? Where are we exactly?”

The mention of the Spice Islands resurfaced a memory of a conversation Tondo had with her Majapahit cousin Jawa. (10)

“I have seen tall ships sail to my land,” Jawa had remarked. “The people aboard have very fair skin, lighter than Zhonghua’s and Nihon’s people. Or even the fairer people of my domain. They can be as light as some of the Arab traders who sail here. A tall man with gold hair and green-gold eyes approached me and I knew right away he is a personification like me. Nederland is what he is called, but his human name is Mogens. (11) He refers to the Maluku Islands as the ‘Spice Islands.’” He had frowned and shivered. “I have a bad feeling about him. I think he wants to do more than trading for spices.”

Was Spain to be trusted? Observing him, he had a sunshine smile on his face, yet he also held a mysterious aura of both light and darkness. But he seemed to be confused and lost and in need of help. He probably thought at first he and his crew had reached Maluku Islands. Hospitality was a part of Tondo’s nature, so she could not go against herself.

“You are in Homonhon Island, _po_. (12) Maluku belongs to my cousin Jawa, which is located south. The nearest civilization is the Rajah of Cebu. I can take you to meet our Rajah Humabon,” she replied. “He can help you give navigation to Maluku.”

“ _Gracias_. We are out of food. My crew and I are starving. We have sailed for two years. It has been a year since we have landed ashore for a stop and for supplies.”

“ _Ella es una personificación. Ella puede tener algunos recursos atractivos. ¿Has visto los pendientes de oro que lleva?_ ” (13) Spain said quietly to his partner.

" _Bárbaro. Solo mirala a ella. __Ellos necesitan a Jesus,_ " (14) Fernão replied.  


**~*~*~**

Rajah Humabon was known to be welcoming of guests and liked to entertain them. On the sight of Spain, Fernão, and the crew, he was in great awe.

“ _Selamat_ Rajah.”

Tondo observed more of the man who greeted the rajah. He was seen often alongside with Fernão. Unlike these white men, he possessed brown skin, dark eyes, and a stocky build like her. He spoke to Rajah in Malay, a language she was familiar with. He was from her cousin Malaka’s domains! (15) However, he introduced himself as Enrique — which Spain mentioned that it is a Spanish name — and preferred to be called as such. He was to Fernão what would be considered in the Visayan language as _oripun_ , or slave. Since the rajah could speak Malay, Enrique would serve as an interpreter and translator.

The crew brought small statues to present as gifts to Rajah and his consort. One especially was of a dark-haired bearded man in robes and rays of sunlight behind him. They called him Jesus, and they believed he was the Son of God. The Messiah who would save the world from evil.

The white men, who came from a continent called Europe, believed in only one God, and the Spaniards called themselves Catholics and Christians. Her people offered prayers and sacrifices to _anito,_ or ancestral spirits, and believed in many gods and goddesses, with Bathala as the creator of the universe. Tondo and the rajah were already aware of the ideas of monotheism due to some of their siblings and southern neighbors following Islam, but Humabon was fascinated by the translated preachings of Jesus. Enrique was charming.

Spain and the others stayed in Humabon’s court for the next several days. Overtime, the rajah would be so moved by the Enrique’s sermons that he even confided to Tondo he wanted to convert.

“Are you sure you want to convert, Rajah?” she asked him seriously.

“Yes, Tondo. Jesus was a good man and very inspiring!” Humabon exclaimed. “I aspire to be like him and I regret deep of the many wrongdoings I did in the past to rival rulers. I want to atone for my sins.”

Tondo found this Jesus Christ character interesting but her instincts told her the past few days that there were sinister motives behind all this. Enrique’s charm was also full of cunning. And she remembered the look Fernão gave the first day she met him. She was on the way back to her room when:

“Oh _hola, mia perla_!”

Tondo stiffened at the sound of the cheerfully and affectionate voice. She turned and forced a smile. “Spain, _magandang gabi_. (16) How are you enjoying your stay here? It must be different from home.”

“Oh yes, it is. It is hotter than the Andalusian lands in the south of my country, but I can bear with it. Your forests are beautiful and your mangoes are delicious! They do not compare to the tomatoes I have discovered in the Americas, however.” He had a half-cut mango on his hand and proceeded to bite from it. “Your land is filled with many interesting resources. It would be shame if… someone plundered it.” He flipped the mango on his hand.”

Tondo felt the mysterious aura of darkness emanating from Spain, scaring her. She hoped he would not notice her fear. “Yes. _Salamat po._ ” (17)

“And your practices are of the most intriguing. In my land, people would think of you as odd and barbaric.” The green-eyed man flashed a charming smile. “But to me, you are very cute and adorable.” His face then softened. “Do you have a mother, Diwata?”

“My grandmother was Austronesia. (18) She has faded but my siblings, cousins, and I live to preserve her memory with the practices and traditions she has taught us. Do you have a mother, _Espanya_?”

“My mother was Iberia, and my father Rome. Or the Roman Empire as he is known in history. I have an older brother named Portugal. I hardly remember my mother, but after my father was killed by Germania, my life was unstable for eight hundred years. My brother and I were invaded by barbaric tribes and heathens. We were passed back and forth between kingdoms and caliphates as if we were hostage wards. Portugal managed to get his own independence before me. It was only recently I managed to unite my lands and remove all the heretics who were threatening me.” Spain paused for a moment. “You can call me Antonio… or Papa.”

Tondo stared at the gloomy face Spain had on his face. She could not understand some of the words he rambled on, but she knew he was telling a true story. She felt an overwhelming feeling towards him. Sympathetic but almost affectionate. It was hard growing up as a personification, witnessing your peoples being invaded by other personifications and countries. Being a personification meant you are also immortal — for the most part. Language, culture, and people were what maintained you to stay alive. If weakened, you could be vulnerable to death. She understood that Spain did what he could do to survive. She was surprised to find herself going up to him, embracing him through the waist. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around her small frame, laid his dark head on her shoulder.

**~*~*~**

The day of the baptism of Rajah Humabon and his queen came shortly. The whole party went to a nearby stream. A certain man from the crew whom the Catholics call a priest was to perform the ritual by pouring water few times on their heads. The two rulers of Cebu were renamed Carlos and Juana, in honor of the rulers of Spain. To commemorate the event, Fernão presented them a statue of a robed child with a golden crown. He remarked it was to represent Jesus as a child and of his holy royal status in heaven.

Tondo took note of how much influence Fernão had over the rajah. Her instincts continued to cry out more as Humabon— no, Carlos was starting to dress more like him and Spain, clothes that were given by him. He even cut his long hair and removed his gold piercings and gave it to them. Spain told him that wearing them would decrease his chances to enter heaven, as they reflect greed. Yet, Tondo noticed a greedy glint in his eyes once he received the piercings. Despite sharing a short-lived mutual understanding the other night, she could not trust him.

The nearby local chieftains who paid homage to the Rajahnate of Cebu were aware of the new alliance Carlos and Fernão made. The rajah issued an order for them to help provide supplies for the ships and convert to Christianity. If they did not obey, they would be sentenced to death.

All the chiefs obeyed except Lapu-Lapu, Datu of Mactan. He refused to pay tribute because he had no interest in converting. His people did not either. Carlos ordered Fernão and Spain to travel to his domain to change his mind. A force of about sixty Spaniards from his crew and twenty _karakao_ boats of Carlos’ warriors were gathered to sail to Macatan Island. Tondo was to come along as the personification of the archipelago, hoping it would convince him more.

She knew Lapu-Lapu quite well. He was a headstrong warrior fierce in battle who did not like people invading his lands. Tondo wanted to talk to Lapu-Lapu about what she had to witness the past month with these foreigners.

When Fernão and Spain’s ships dropped the anchor of their ship ashore, they were shocked to see about one thousand and five hundred men armed.

Fernão told Enrique of what he intended to say to the datu. The slave called out to Lapu-Lapu: “Datu, my master wishes to convey that we shall not attack you if you submit to the Rajah of Cebu. We come in peace but if you shall refuse, we have no choice but to go to battle with you.”

Lapu-Lapu emerged from his army and moved his eyes to Fernão, Spain, and then at Enrique. He held his head defiantly. “He was unwilling to come and do reverence to one whom he had been commanding for so long a time. (20) I will never submit to you. We do not know you and your true intentions arriving to our lands. You are indeed ignorant and strange men, and you do not know of our ways here. And you have dishonored my niece, Humabon’s wife.”

Spain immediately became defensive, angrily talking in his language, “Juana and her husband Carlos were willingly baptized. They were not coerced in any way. They were given the choice whether they want to believe Jesus is the Son of Man.”

“You have chosen your fate, Your Majesty,” Fernão added. “Due to your obstinance, you shall die.” Enrique translated both their words into Malay.

“Very well then. I choose to declare war with you,” the chieftain concluded. “We shall meet at sunrise.”

Tondo stepped out of the ship, to his shock. She spoke to Spain and Fernão in broken Spanish, “I will persuade Lapu-lapu to change his mind. We are friends. I’ll stay at his place for the night.” The men nodded and she walked towards the chieftain.

Both armies retreated.

“Ah _kumasta ka,_ Tondo, it is nice to see you again,” Lapu-Lapu greeted her, as they walked away from the shore.

Tondo switched into Visayan entirely. “ _Maayong gabii_ , Lapu-Lapu. I don’t agree with what these white folk are doing. Humabon and your niece were coerced. These men are manipulators, and Panglima Awang and Humabon’s men are indoctrinated by them. Panglima Awang is the bearded man’s slave. (19) And the curly-haired man is the personification of the Kingdom of Spain.” She paused for a moment. “I am pretending to be on their side, and I told them I would convince you to change their mind.”

Lapu-Lapu nodded. “I plan to kill that man. I know you cannot kill Spain completely but you could do it temporarily.”

Despite having the physical appearance of a seven-year-old girl, Tondo was a skilled female warrior.

The chieftain was concerned at her torn face. “Are you alright, Diwata?”

“Yes, I am fine.”

**~*~*~**

At sunrise, Tondo awoke and dressed in her battle attire. She dressed similarly to the male warriors: long black hair flowing down with a bandana on her forehead, golden jewelry on her neck, and a short skirt around her waist. Her tattoos were also shown with pride on her arms. Tondo held a _kamipulan_ on her right hand, a sword native to the archipelago, and a shield on her left.

“Ready, Tondo?” Lapu-Lapu asked.

“Yes. For our people.”

“For our people.”

The two shortly met with Fernão and Spain’s army at the same place as yesterday. The white men brought back some new converts recruited but they still could not outnumber the many opposing natives. At the sight of Tondo dressed the same as their enemy, Spain had a twisted face full of fury. He raised his sword and let out a battle cry.

The fighting raged on for the next few hours, with countless spears being thrown and swords clashing. There were casualties on both sides. Some of Spaniards tried to burn the native houses nearby but were surprised by a hail of arrows coming their way. A poison arrow managed to hit Fernão’s leg and he cried in pain.

“FERNANDO!” Spain cried. He was distracted by the shocking sight and then a spear hit his leg, falling onto the ground.

Tondo took his distraction as an opportunity to grab a spear from a fallen native warrior and aim it at her enemy. She marched up to him.

“Diwata… why?” he said looking up to her, pain also in his eyes.

“You are invading my archipelago. Your people are defiling some of my women. I can even feel their cries of help and hopelessness through me,” she responded coldly.

She raised her sword and smote him. Spain was lifeless — for now.

She turned and saw many of Lapu-Lapu’s men crowding around the fallen Fernão. It did not take long for him to succumb to his injuries. Her people had won.

Spain’s body was taken by the crew, but the mortal enemies’ bodies were kept by Lapu-Lapu as trophies. After the Spaniards sailed back to the Rajah, there were news spread that some of the survivors were poisoned in a feast. Tondo supposed Humabon was disappointed at them and perhaps saw no more use of the Spaniards. Juan Sebastian Elcano, Fernão’s successor as commander, gathered the remaining survivors to depart back to Spain.

Tondo wanted to feel she was at peace, but she could not shake the trauma she felt from the battle and some of her people being violated.

**~*~*~**

**1565-1571**

Tondo witnessed more Europeans sail to her lands the next four decades. She did not see Spain but she lived in fear whether or not he would return to do the same things he did last time. Yet, when another Spaniard named Miguel López de Legazpi arrived and her fears became a reality when she saw the ruthless green-eyed nation again.

They met at her heart Maynila in 1570. It was the Rajahnate of Maynila at the time, a vassal to her cousin the Sultanate of Brunei in the south. Legazpi sent out one of his men, Martin de Goiti, with Spain in attempt to establish a fort there. They negotiated with the Rajah Matanda, but his nephew and co-ruler Sulayman was displeased. Hearing stories from Tondo of what occurred in Cebu years ago, he was not fooled by the Spaniards.

A battle occurred after an incident where Spanish ships fired cannons to signal for their expedition boats to return, but Tondo’s people took this as an offense. The Spaniards set Maynila ablaze.

As she witnessed the destruction, she felt her chest tighten and ache very painfully. Her breath became short. She could not speak. Tondo thought she was having a seizure, but her heart hurt so much. Sweat fell from her forehead. Thoughts crossed her mind if she was gonna die temporarily. She had died a few times in the past from brutal battles, but she never heard of possibly dying from a pain like this. This was one of the worst sufferings she had ever felt. Tondo fell onto the ground and hit her head on something, knocking her unconscious and unresponsive. Before blacking out, the last thing she saw was Spain kneeling down at her.

**~*~*~**

She opened her eyes and awoke to her vision very blurred. She tried blinking rapidly until she could finally focus. She found herself in a strange, unfamiliar room. She was confused. She tried to recall anything from her past but found it blank. In fact, she could not remember her name!

And how long had she been asleep?

She sat up slowly and dangled her legs at the side of the bed. As soon as she was about to walk onto the ground, the door opened.

A fair-skinned man with curly hair and green eyes stepped in, shocked at her. He was speechless for a few moments.

“Who are you?” she asked him.

His face gave a tender look. “I am your Papa España.”

“How long have I been asleep?”

“You have been in a deep asleep for about a year, _mi hija_.” (21) He paused. Do you know who you are?”

She shook her head.

“You are _Las Islas Filipinas_. And your human name is Maria de la Cruz Carriedo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **FOOTNOTES**  
>     
> (1) " _Hola! ¿Como te llamas, chica?_ " - "Hi! What is your name, girl?"
> 
> (2) Majapahit - One of the greatest and most powerful empires of Southeast Asia from 1293-1527, compromising present-day Indonesia, Malaysia, Brunei, Singapore, and southern Philippines. It was mainly based in the island of Java in modern-day Indonesia.
> 
> (3) Taivoan - Derived from the Taivoan peoples, who are a group of Taiwanese indigenous people (not to be confused with Taiwanese Han Chinese, who compromise majority of present-day Taiwan’s population). Most scholars propose the name Taiwan derives from these people, as 17th century Dutch explorers established a trading port called “Tayouan” after the neighboring tribe they encountered.
> 
> (4) Zhonghua - Mandarin name for China.
> 
> (5) Nihon - Japanese name for Japan. _Nippon_ is also another version of the name in the language.
> 
> (6) Mai-i - According to the Zhao Rugua's book _Zhu Fan Zhi_ written around the 13th century during the Song Dynasty, there was a group of islands found in southern South China Sea called Ma-i. The islands groups were later invaded and renamed and identified by the Spanish to be the island of Mindoro.
> 
> (7) Tondo - a precolonial trade hub and settlement located in modern-day Manila, the capital of the Philippines. There was no united Philippines at the time. The regions and islands were separate kingdoms, rajahs, sultanates, and tribes. I decided to choose this name for APH Precolonial!Philippines.
> 
> (8) Diwata - Name comes from a type of deity in Philippine mythology.
> 
> (9) Fernão de Magalhães - To the English-speaking West, he is known as Ferdinand Magellan.
> 
> (10) Jawa - Indonesian and Javanese for Java island, which is where most of Indonesian history took place. Jawa is an alternative name for the personification of modern-day Indonesia in this fic, as he also represents Java Island. The name “Indonesia” does not appear in use until 18th century.
> 
> (11) Mogens - The Netherlands has no human name given in Hetalia, but Mogens is one of the names Hidekaz Himaruya as potential choices.
> 
> (12) _po_ \- an honorific term for elders in Filipino languages. Closest translation in English would be "sir/ma'am."
> 
> (13) " _Ella es una personificación. Ella puede tener algunos recursos atractivos. ¿Has visto los pendientes de oro que lleva?_ " - "She is a personification. She may have some appealing resources. Have you seen the gold earrings she wears?”
> 
> (14) " _Bárbaro. Solo mirala a ella Ellos necesitan a Jesus._ " - “Barbarian. Just look at her. They need Jesus.”
> 
> (15) Malaka - The Islamic Malacca Sultanate who also had some diplomatic ties with Majapahit. In this fic, Malaka is the personification of who would later be called Malaysia.
> 
> (16) _Magandang gabi_ \- Good evening in Tagalog
> 
> (17) _Salamat_ \- Thank you
> 
> (18) Austronesia - The homeland of the Austronesian peoples, which includes present-day Filipinos, Indonesians, Malays, Taiwanese aborigines, and the Malagasy people. The homeland is theorized to be in present-day Taiwan.
> 
> (19) Panglima Awang - Malay sources seem to refer to Enrique as this, thus possibly being the name he was born as.
> 
> (20) "He was unwilling to come and do reverence to one whom he had been commanding for so long a time" - Supposedly remarked by the real Lapu-Lapu.
> 
> (21) _mi hija_ \- My daughter


End file.
